Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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