I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
