I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize