I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
