my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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