so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
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