At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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