when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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