is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
