I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
