a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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