piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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