Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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