just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize