until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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