i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
