FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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