hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
