We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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