Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
