you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
