And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
