Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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