The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
