We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
