youre lurking in front of me
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
