No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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