Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
