the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Let's get the cat blown out
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