saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
