Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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