The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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