You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
