Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
