Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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