if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
