I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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