you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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