Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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