I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
