I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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