Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize