I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
