i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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