i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize