college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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