I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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