How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
