Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
