i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
