i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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