what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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