R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
