the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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