She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
