you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
