Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Your cock deserves a montage
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
pray to the hookup gods
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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