i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
