You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
