he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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