U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I don't think brook has ever known best
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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