She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
