I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
