am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
