I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
