I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
