Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
