How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
