I forgot how hot balto sounded
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
