actually, I'm a sock model
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
