shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
