I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize