Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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