When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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