is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
