New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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