Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
