shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
