Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
