if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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