I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
