If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
