I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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