So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
