How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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