u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
