Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
