atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
