so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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