I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
