I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
