Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
