at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
