Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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