Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
we're making bets on your personal life
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
