I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
being pregnant is like rehab
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
