What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
