you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
