It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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