what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
