i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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